Oct 12th

October 12th, I will go to Austin to speak my peace before the Texas Medical Board, about my surgery "incident", and Doctor Floyd will be in attendance. The hearing will decided if disaplinary action should be taken against him. (him losing his license). I have not spoken to him, nor him to me since my last day in the hospital in Dumas...We have seen each other in passing in Dumas simce. I have so many emotions connected to this. Fear, relief, hope, (that it will bring closure) nervous....and so many more. One of those times you just want to lock yourself in a room and cry.....I find myself already thinking about it any time I have a spare moment. Such as now. I can't wait to let it all out, yet I know that no one can even begin to comprehend what our family went through...and still goes through, no matter how much explaining is done. Will it bring closure....will it stir it all up to much again, or will it be a tolerable mix of both??? I have decided not to rehearse, or even think about what I am going to say that day. I am praying God will give me the words that day.......and I have faith that he will!!

This the lyrics to this song....are soooo exactly how I feel...I couldn't put it any better!

So damn easy to say that life's so hard....Every body's got their share of battle scars....As for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars that I'm alive and well....It'd be easy to add up all the pain....And all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames...Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain...But not me... I'm alive.And today you know that's good enough for me...Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see....Today's the first day of the rest of my life...And I'm alive and well....I'm alive and well

Putting God First....In Your Life

I thought about blogging about this before, and my experience with this topic, but I kept putting it off. Then I was reminded of it again when I saw a friends quiz on Facebook, of all places. I to, had struggled with putting God first on my list. When confronted with numbering God on a quiz before my husband and children on a numbered list. I just would finish the quiz....I just couldn't do it.... More importantly not only on this quiz....but more importantly in my life! I always felt as if this question was not fair...I love my husband and children as much as I thought I loved God! When I was all alone in CCU....basically dying alone, the night before my second surgery, I have never felt so alone. David is always with me. As you know in the CCU your husband can not stay with you. I thought this was the cruelest thing ever! I was going through the toughest day of my life and I was all alone....It took me awhile to get over that fact...then one day when I was having a really tough day at home recovering I realized something so awesome. I was not alone!! God was there with me through it all, as a cried out to him in the night...... For the first time I realized that God is first, he was there at a time when even David could not be there for me, or anyone else. This is why God should be first always, even though we love others in our lives as much as we think that can even be possible. I hope that if you haven't realized this yet, that you do before you are put in such a situation such as mine. I never thought I would be able to fully believe this to be true....Because of my immense love for David and the girls....but it feels great!! God is first in my life!!

Giving Back......

I often think of the many doctor's who worked so hard to save my life....especially Dr. McKinley. We have thanked him, and tried to the very best of our capability to let him know how much we appreciate him. In a way he gave me life, a second time. I wrote personal letters of thanks to each of the 6 doctor's at BSA at Christmas time, along with pictures of our family. I just recently received a letter back from Dr. Jenkins reassuring my faith in what a great group of men they are, and at that Christian men. He said he had been a doctor long enough to know that God is in control. Back to the thanking part again....it will never be suffice. This is the conclusion I have come to....to get me through this....I just realized this today.... what a weight has been lifted!!

How many times have you wished you could pay back the good, those good people in your life have given you. It could be a small act of kindness that as always stuck with you.....or it could be something as big as saving your life. We are often separated from these people who we long to pay back by miles, years, broken friendships, or even death. I can only pay back in a sense by doing good for other's, in honor of what has been done for me, may it be big or small.

We can not pay back, only forward!! Paying forward is the only direction you can go......
reassured by -John 15:12- Jesus said. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." Give to Christ by giving to others!